i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's like heaven, but drunker
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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