dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
