Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He kissed a someone with a penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
