I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
