just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
