I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
