and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
