k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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