I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
