The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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