I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
