can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
