Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize