I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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