Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
