it was like eating out sand paper
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear god my vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
