He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
