I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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