Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
