her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
