census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
