Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
