I want you more than these girls want KFC
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
