o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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