The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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