the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
