I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
