I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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