Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
