I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
