so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drake has all the answers
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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