You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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