never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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