Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my poor anus
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
