I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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