Where is the hickey?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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