So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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