I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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