Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
