He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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