I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
