Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
