I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
