The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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