I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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