Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
