ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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