my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
