Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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