Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
