The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize