Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize