The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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