Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
