just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's the barista slut.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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