so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
