my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
