it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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