bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
