Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
