Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
