hotel room ftw
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
