If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
