"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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