Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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